About the film (courtesy of Universal Pictures):
Based on a single chilling chapter from Bram Stoker’s classic novel Dracula, The Last Voyage of the Demeter tells the terrifying story of the merchant ship Demeter, which was chartered to carry private cargo—fifty unmarked wooden crates—from Carpathia to London. Strange events befall the doomed crew as they attempt to survive the ocean voyage, stalked each night by a merciless presence onboard the ship. When the Demeter finally arrives off the shores of England, it is a charred, derelict wreck. There is no trace of the crew.

The Last Voyage of the Demeter is a truly terrifying film that will leave you cowering in fear for days. The suspense is so thick you could cut it with a knife, and the scares are so frequent and intense that you’ll be begging for mercy by the end. Just kidding! This movie is a total snoozefest. The pacing is glacial, the characters are one-dimensional, and the scares are few and far between. If you’re looking for a good horror movie, this is not it.

In fact, I’m not sure what The Last Voyage of the Demeter is even trying to be. It’s not a suspenseful thriller, it’s not a scary horror movie, and it’s not even a particularly good adaptation of the Bram Stoker story. It’s just…there, pretty uninspired. The only thing that I can say in its favor is that the production values are decent.

The ship looks great, albeit too small for a bunch of grown men not to be able to, convincingly, find a bunch of vampires. C’mon, it’s not like this is the Titanic. It’s more like the The S. S. Minnow from Gilligan’s Island…I kid. The costumes are impressive and the special effects are passable. But that’s not enough to save this movie from being a total dud.

The Last Voyage of the Demeter‘s biggest problem is its lack of suspense. We know from the beginning that the crew of the Demeter is going to be killed by the vampire, so there’s no real sense of danger or tension. The film also relies heavily on jump scares, which are cheap and ineffective. But hey, Corey Hawkins has a British accent, so there’s that. Usually it’s English-born actors delivering an American accent, this one flipped the script. I’m trying to find positives, okay?!

If you’re looking for a good horror movie, I would definitely pass on The Last Voyage of the Demeter. Mid-August is absolutely one of those abyss areas where studios offload product in the hopes that they may get lucky and it clangs on a few positive eyes. Sorry Universal, this isn’t going to be one of those lucky strikes. This one is heading straight to the bottom with a resounding thud. It’s a boring, uninspired mess that will leave you wishing you had spent your time watching something else.

This a strong recommendation to just save your money and wait a very short time if you’re remotely interested in this one. I suspect it’ll be available for home viewing in a matter of weeks. At any rate, The Last Voyage of the Demeter is in theaters Friday, August 11th with the obligatory early showtimes Thursday evening.